quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
