What a fucking waste of an outfit
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
