I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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