Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
