my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Life without a bra equals bliss.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
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