I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
