Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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