It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
