dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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