after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
