You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
