she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
