So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
