just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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