yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
