I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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