Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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