Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
