hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
i out mim tonsoeep
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