I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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