I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize