Your face is a jimmy john
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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