she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
well you can't waste a boner
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
