Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm sobbing to NWA
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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