her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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