birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Are we still banned from the library?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
