I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
