I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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