i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
