I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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