There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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