She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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