I am in a vortex of obligation.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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