today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
