It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
