oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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