omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
