Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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