Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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