I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
