I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
