i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Holy sore nipples Batman
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
