Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
honey bunches of taint.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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