I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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