great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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