Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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