hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Randomize
