So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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