dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
