in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
