i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
