I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
