'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
