The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
