No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
