Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I have fence marks all over my body
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