This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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