Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
