I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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