We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
