i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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