if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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