When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
