"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
