He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
