I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
