a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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