matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
