Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize