I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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