he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
